The Unspoken Burden: When Kindness Feels Like a Mistake

07-02-2025

Society teaches us to be kind, to help others in need, and to extend courtesy without expecting anything in return. But what happens when that kindness is taken for granted? What happens when, instead of gratitude, you are met with indifference—or worse, entitlement?

A recent experience on a train journey from Mumbai to Jaipur made me confront this harsh reality. Having no confirmed ticket, I decided to take an unreserved ticket, fully prepared to pay the difference and fine if needed. I boarded the train, knowing it was a gamble, but returning to Jaipur was my priority.

Luck favored me at first—a passenger with an extra ticket to Surat offered it to me. I accepted and took a much-needed nap. But as the journey progressed, I saw how many others were in a similar situation, struggling to find space in a reserved coach.

One such passenger, a woman, was standing near my seat. Without hesitation, I moved to give her my place, assuming she needed it more. She climbed up to the berth and went to sleep. Meanwhile, I spent the night in discomfort, sitting beside someone’s seat with barely any space to rest.

After several hours, at around 4 AM, when exhaustion took over, I politely asked her if she could return to her original seat so I could take a brief nap. To my surprise, she refused outright. What struck me most was not just her unwillingness to return the favor but the way she treated the whole situation as if it were her right to take and my duty to give.

It was a stark reminder of an unspoken truth—men are expected to adjust, to endure discomfort, and to sacrifice, while society turns a blind eye to their struggles.

An old man asks for a seat, a child cries for space, a woman expects comfort—all valid in their own right. But where does the common man stand? The man who is neither elderly nor a child, the man who is not given special treatment, the man who is simply expected to "manage."

This incident left me with a bitter realization: kindness without boundaries is often mistaken for weakness. It made me rethink whether generosity is always the right choice. Not because helping others is wrong, but because not everyone deserves it.

So, the next time someone seeks my help, will I hesitate? Probably. Will I be as open-hearted as before? Maybe not. But perhaps that’s what life teaches us—to be kind, but not at the cost of our own dignity.